It is so funny the paradox of the rushing around to do yoga or meditate. Often we don’t realize the actual intentions we are setting attending a yoga class or a meditation. Maybe a therapist or a doctor suggested to us that we take a yoga class as part of an over all healthy plan or to treat symptoms that are stress related. Maybe we just wanted to try the latest out door yoga class because it is trendy. It really doesn’t matter what takes you to the mat as long as you allow yourself to reap the rewards.
Between my responsibilities of being a businesswomen, mother of 3 daughters, social obligations and attempting self care along the way I became lost in the process. I was a wound up women in constant motion getting to the next task or event. I was on medicine for depression, acid reflux, adhd, and medical marijuana for migraine headaches. I am happy to announce it has been 5 years since I have taken any thing other than an occasional motion. I started to hurry up and meditate.
I have come to believe how you do anything is how you do everything.
I was showing up to life one task at a time. I was usually making excuses as to why I wasn’t good enough or why it wasn’t done right. I was doing way to much. I was tying to be everything to everyone and abandoning myself in the process. My skin was tight my muscles were tight which meant my organs were being effected. My temper was short. This had led me to the emergency room with chest pains. I was treated by an amazing female doctor who knew what it was like to try and be everything to everyone and forget about yourself. She shared her experience while in med school and suggested I go to a massage therapist to help loosen my tightened muscles that were causing my discomfort in my chest. Then she said the magic words and try yoga classes. Thank God she didn’t block from he solution with another pill.
She knew that I was disconnected from my own spirit. That the solution was and inside job. That was when I started to hurry up to meditate.
I had been here before showing up to classes trying to calm the chattering mind. I would feel better for a bit then take on some more responsibilities then put my self care on the back burner. Putting yoga on the top of the to do list was pretty difficult to do. I needed to be thin enough to get in the class with all the beautiful people. I needed just the right out fit from Lululemon and they are pretty expensive. I would get on the mat in the class and just look around at everyone else what they are doing and how they are doing it and think they are all doing it better than me. And I would hurry up to go do this! Ugh it was nuts.…
Like I said how you do anything is how you do everything.
Then the universe began to send me messages to take my practice to a deeper level. So I purchased a copy of the Bhagavad Gita and tried to read it and understand it myself. ( Not Suggested) Next I had taken my first one on one instruction with the intention to develop a personal at home morning practice. I also purchased the yoga sutures by Deepak Chopra on iTunes and listen to it while I practiced a daily morning routine. With the sutures I was planting seeds in my consciousness that would bloom at just the right time. I often say that the hardest pose in yoga is getting on the mat. I needed to Keep Practice Simple in the beginning some days just rolling the mat out and getting into child’s pose for 10 breaths. I was quieting the mind, body and soul even if it was for just 10 breaths. Today at a minimum I do 5 simple sun salutations putting my fingers at my heart setting intentions of the day. This simple practice has changed my life and continues to change it daily.
The path continued to lead me in the direction to become an instructor. I tried so hard to talk myself out of it. I had continued to be led in the direction of self study to learn the facts about Bonnie. I became interested in being healthy mentally, physical, emotionally and slowing down in the process. I have become a witness to my shadows. No longer a judge, but rather a witness with a sense of humor to laugh at the darkness and guild it back into the light. I discovered what it was like to be an imperfect human and that were are all the same. We just have different Karma’s to work though along the journey. How we do everything is how we do anything applied to me.
While I was in a yoga class I was looking around the room comparing and separating my self from others. I was checking a lot of things off my list but I lacked integrity with my tasks. I was doing way to much. Like I said How we do everything is how we do anything. While on the mat it came to me that I did this in all my affairs. At work, parenting, relationships everything I did I was constantly comparing and separating from others. I also discovered that I lacked integrity in my work. These were the shadows that were blocking me off from success in the human race and being part of the solution.
“ Without Language, one cannot talk to people and understand them: one cannot share their hopes and aspirations, grasp their history, appreciate their poetry or savor their songs.” – Nelson Mandela
Other tool in transformation was learning a different language Sanskrit. It had forced me to research simple sources to suffering Avidya. In my research I learned that Avidya were the obstacles that prevented us from recognizing things as they really are. The obstacles are asmita(ego) raga( attachment) dvesa( refusal), and abhinivesa(fear). If I know root of a problem Then I can address the problem.
Making peace with the Shadows
I look at my shadow self as an alarm that goes off that separation is happening and some area of my soul needs attention. Alarms are ok its all part of witness conciseness. It is when I am moving slow enough that I can hear the alarms and the solution is gentile. If I am running to fast focusing on something other than being the best version of myself that I don’t hear the alarms. I have learned that it is best that I take the time to listen is silence to the song of my soul. What do I want? What do I need? It’s amazing that I have learned all of this from hurrying up to Mediate.
I was yelling at my kids and rushing out the door when I realized I was hurrying up to meditate.
I was about 2.5 miles away from my home when I stopped at the red light and finally paused. It came to my awareness that I was hurrying up to meditate. I laughed paused and turned the car around and headed home to apologies for my behavior. I just had to explain to my family that I am a work in progress just like the rest of the human race. When I can become patient with myself I can become patient with others. Continual practice leads to progress not perfection. I catch myself faster today when I begin to come off balance. I attempt to stay regulated by making time to take myself to the mat.